.

The snow descends,
Covering the scarred ground
And his golden-brown hair
It fails to defy the wind.

(On nights such as this one, thoughts have long left his side.)

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The End

In a world of full antipathy

Everything lies in ruin
Hope has disappeared

Shadows lurking from behind

Screams echo down

Lined with devastation

Gasping so quietly, helpless

No longer breathing

Fate sealed shut.

Lost in Forever

I woke up one day dying to all that I was. I felt like a new born child breathing in my first breath of life. My unidentified counterpart whirled in the back of my mind. It was like the rewinding of the past to unfold the present. Such sudden thoughts of what is yet to come… The pitfalls of the choices I’ve made and its outcomes, all astoundingly gone. My journey hasn’t even reached the middle of the road yet all my faults were erased. A strong breeze then came upon me. Seeing a hand stretching forth so high above me shook my every limb. I was in awe, for I was not even halfway into reaching my full blossom, but I felt like a wide-awake flower. The hand then picked me up and carried me so gently. My sorrow, pain, sadness and confusion all floated away. I reached the brink of time; an endless dream. An amazing insanity creped in my heart, reaching the very depths of my soul.. I trembled in joy, unspeakable joy. He picked me up and fulfilled my destiny. It was love – love has found me. Gracefully embracing me each day; never letting me go. 

Old entry: 6/5/07 

Eclyse

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 A zebrula — a cross between a horse and a zebra — has drawn curious onlookers to a zoo in Germany because of its unusual coat. While zebrulas have been in existence since the 19th century, this one is particularly unique: its coat is sharply divided between horse and zebra, says Safaripark, a zoo near northern Guetersloh. The animal, which is slightly more than a year old and is named Eclyse, has a zebra head, while the first half of the rest of its body is white and the second half is zebra-colored. It arrived at the zoo three weeks ago from Italy.

Serendipity

What a silly hoax it must be

To dream of discovering love so ceaselessly

Whereby the stars align, as the universe

Hum timeless whispers of adoration and romance

It is but a chance, such a modest one

Still I’ll take hold of it
For I am a fool, unto love eternal.

More than Enough

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Elysse. That’s what everyone calls me now that I’m older.
Reminiscing about those good ol’ grade school days…
Eliora!!
No! I used to hate my name. Oh wait, hate’s too strong a word.
Well, now that I’m actually able to repel those “hate” emotions – I’ve accepted the fact but I just couldn’t love it, Eliora.. Eliora Eunice.
God knows I tried...

Many people who have known and judged me in the past would have more problems about me than my name. I couldn’t blame them. I lived a life of drama – oh, those precious days and the drama I’ve made it.Sometimes I dream of having a time machine – situated in the bathroom maybe or closet. That’d be wonderful. What a life I would have lived if I could undo those wrongdoings. Peace. Tranquility. The stillness of dawn. Oh, I can hear the Hallelujah chorus. Life would probably be perfect. Or would it?

I think of how I’ve come to know the love of my life, Jesus Christ and how I have humbled before him. Wretched. Unable to stand alone. My heart, bleak and broken. That Time, I didn’t have anyone else and although He knew He was last in my list of confidants, He didn’t mind. The feeling of acceptance despite my rebellion rose within. I knew there was something about this Jesus that I have come to. Something I could not comprehend – I felt forgiven, instantaneously.

Just like normal teenage girls, I have had my heart broken. I have done things that I shouldn’t – I turned to vices when told many times in my childhood not to. Rebelled against the values and principles of my upbringing. Cared less about how it would affect my family. I got my way in everything, yet I felt tired, distraught, literally lost. The world that I worshipped threw me straight away. Without warning. With nothing except pain and regrets. How could I be so stupid? How could I be so selfish?

The night of “Enough,” as I would call it, because it’s all I could utter, I locked the door, got my mp3, and listened to a song entitled “Enough” by Barlow Girl. My heart broke, knowing that song was ‘the song’. The song I needed to hear, the song that could put how I felt into words and melodies– The song that gave me the assurance that He is more than enough. Oh how lovely that night, I felt His love wash my pain away as it made me new again. 

A Song of Hope

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You lose sometimes. What you love the most instigates pain in your heart. When situations like these arise it’s not very easy to pull yourself together. Most of the time, it’s easier said than done. I honestly don’t know how to deal with it; I have considered this one of my greatest fears – to get hurt. Up until this moment, I still don’t know how to face it. I don’t know, to be very honest, how to “forgive and forget” completely.  

And yes, I may not know what to do, but I know who to turn to – I turn to Jesus. Because I know in my heart, He is the only one strong and able enough to “handle me with care.” See, people are great confidants because some people you encounter experience/have experienced it, hence, enabling them to technically know how it feels… But Jesus doesn’t only know how it feels, He knows how you feel. 

Every time I cry out to God, I see hope. I look at the cross, see His pain, yet, when I look close enough I see His heart; A heart that beats compassion, so they say. Hurting, wounded, persecuted, abandoned… and we think no one understands what we’re going through. We think and feel that it’s too much for us to bear. But He bore it on the cross, not to show the world He’s super, but to show us that if He can take up His cross, bear the pain of living and dying, so can we. The littlest of pain that we encounter now and again, He believes we can make it through. He knows we can.

Hope – there’s more to pain than the feeling itself; an underlying essence that when taken rightly, is the very thing that can stir up your passion, and incite the strength to rise up within you. We have fears, true enough, but God has given us hope. Hope that signifies His perfect love for us all. As written: “Perfect love casts out all fear.”

So then I ask myself, what am I afraid of really? Because if God is for me who can be against me?

It may seem absurd to keep on keeping on without knowing the answers. But in this life that I have completely surrendered to Him… This is all I need to know: “The Lord my God is with me, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in me, He will quiet me with His love, He will rejoice over me with singing.”

This is what I value more than what I value most. His song. His lullaby. Knowing that He’s there and He cares.

…Believe it, because He really is and He really does.